


Prompt #42

by Ambros



Series: Tumblr Prompts [43]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Future Fic, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, If someone could kill the Seelie Queen that would be lovely, M/M, No Character Death, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Tumblr Prompt, established relatioship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-08
Updated: 2017-10-09
Packaged: 2019-01-10 21:46:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12308460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ambros/pseuds/Ambros
Summary: “I'll tell you what you can't do,” Jace says, voice calm, “You can't lose us both. So I need you to breathe and think.”“Fuck you,” Alec spits, but the words break in half, he tries to scratch at the vines again, the tips of his fingers numb, but Jace's hand is suddenly on his neck, anchoring him down, dragging him forward until their foreheads are touching, until Jace's eyes is the only thing Alec can see.And Jace says: “Go to him.”, and Alec's world breaks in half.**Now with a second chapter (10/09/2017)**





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> An anon said on Tumblr: "ok so i've seen a lot of fics wherein for whatever reason, alec has to choose between magnus and jace?? and like, on one hand, that's a hobson's/angela's choice, it's like impossible, but on the OTHER hand... in literally all of them, either alec finds a way out of the choice, or he chooses jace (cue heartbreak). but like, just for ONCE I want alec to choose magnus. like, even though I think that alec could never actually choose between them in canon, I’m just so annoyed/sad that I can’t find a SINGLE FIC wherein alec chooses magnus. there could still be an angsty aftermath and all, jace's reaction or something but I just rlly need this"
> 
> I’ll be really honest anon, this prompt really required all of my effort because it’s not something I would normally write, and I genuinely think Alec wouldn’t be able to choose between Magnus and Jace if it was a life or death situation, also because it’s not in his nature. Alec is a bit of a martyr, especially before Magnus, and I think the only other factor that could come in play is Jace’s even bigger martyr complex. Which is why I put them in a position where the choice wasn’t in Jace’s hands at all, but -- I don’t know. Writing this left me with a bit of a weird taste in my mouth; but, you know, it was also interesting to push myself like this. I don’t know if you had something this extreme in mind, but it’s the only thing I could think of!
> 
> The whole Simon being kidnapped thing comes from season 3, which is why I tagged this as a Future Fic, although I seriously doubt it'll be solved this easily.

“I don't like this,” Alec says, nervously closing his fingers around the riser of his bow; he knows he'll have to leave it behind as soon as the guards decide to show themselves and he's already dreading the moment.

Jace has decided to leave all of his weapons at the Institute and he's apparently resigned and furious at the mission.

Alec can't really blame him.

Magnus looks as tense as Alec feels, and he knows it's because the Faeries' magic is different from his, it's constant and manipulative and devious, and, in the Seelie Court, overpowering.

He still sounds fairly calm when he says: “We'll just get Simon and then we'll be free to go.”

Jace barks a humourless laugh: “As if,” he comments darkly.

Neither Alec nor Magnus find it in themselves to say anything else.

It isn't long before the guards step out of the thick forest, their feet barely making a sound against the carpet of leaves on the ground, lead by Meliorn.

“I hope you're all ready for the show,” Jace drawls, and Meliorn turns on him his unimpressed gaze.

The Queen is in her adult form, red hair curling on her shoulders, pink lips and big, green eyes giving her a childish, innocent look. Alec's hands immediately itch with the need to hold his bow between them.

“You have taken your time,” the Queen says, somehow sounding displeased and delighted at the same time.

“Yes, well,” Jace snorts, “we weren't exactly in a hurry to come here again.”

The Queen turns her green eyes on him, impassible: “That's quite rude, isn't it? Does it mean you don't want Simon back?”, she asks, like she genuinely thinks they might say yes.

“Not at all, Your Majesty,” Alec says, glaring at Jace to make him shut up. “We will be happy to discuss our business and disturb you no further.”

The Queen turns her gaze on him, slowly, an arm lazily thrown over the armrest of her throne; her lips curve slightly, almost imperceptibly as she ignores him to focus on Magnus: “Does a pretty face distract you enough to forget betrayal, Magnus? I expected more from the High Warlock of Brooklyn.”

Alec can see the sudden stillness in Magnus' body, how he stops breathing for a moment, and he's almost too focused on him to feel his own rage climb up his throat.

He's thankful when Jace says: “What do you want from us, Your Majesty?”, tone barely acceptable, and the Queen turns sharply towards him, a bright grin suddenly stretching her lips without reaching her eyes: “I think you can guess, Jace Wayland,” she lets her eyes linger on all of them, “You do know how I love to play games.”

Jace takes a furious step forward and three guards are restraining him before his foot touches the ground: “We are not your puppets,” he growls, ignoring the blades a breath away from his throat.

The Queen laughs, a harsh sound in the silence of the court: “Yes, you are,” she says, the sweetness suddenly disappearing from her voice as her green eyes turn hard and cold: “You are in my realm and you ask for something that is rightfully mine. You _are_ my puppets.”

Jace stares furiously at her but he doesn't say anything, he takes a step back and shakes the guards off his shoulders.

“I knew you'd see reason,” the Queen comments, drily; she turns her attention on Alec, her hands primly folded in her lap: “I have a simple question for you, Shadowhunter. If you answer truthfully, Simon is free to go with you and my deal with him is broken.”

Alec straightens his shoulders, can see Magnus and Jace taking a step closer to him out of the corner of his eyes.

The Queen's lips curl in a satisfied smile in response. “The question is this. Let's say you all find yourselves in a situation of life and death, hm? Oh, I know!” she adds, suddenly brightening up, “Let's make it easier on you,” she snaps her fingers and vines start moving on the ground, making their way towards Jace and Magnus through the leaves, and all the oxygen leaves Alec's lungs like he's suddenly underwater, “ _They are_ in a situation of life or death!”

The vines start wrapping themselves around their ankles, slowly, and Jace curses loudly as Magnus pales.

“All you have to do, Shadowhunter, is decide who you can't live without. But there's a catch,” the Queen smiles, “if you lie the vines will know and they will both die. If you don't, well.” she twirls her fingers in the air, “It won't be as fun, but it'll be pretty entertaining.”

“No,” the word is breathless in Alec's mouth, “No, you can't – you can't kill them! The Clave will – you _can't._ ”

But the Queen looks unperturbed, her eyes glancing at the vines with a delighted light: “Tic, toc.”

Alec's fingers immediately run to the vines already wrapped around Jace's calf, he uselessly tries to pull and scratch, tries on Magnus too, his nails breaking as he looks for the roots, for _anything_ that might help, he's hyperventilating but he doesn't have _time_ to think about it, his fingers are bleeding as the vines seem to be getting thicker – Magnus' fingers wrap firmly around his.

“Alec, look at me.”

The vines are wrapped around his knees, and Alec knows they must hurt, he can see how tight they are, but Magnus' voice is calm as he looks in Alec's eyes and Alec feels like he's trying to think through heavy curtains of blind panic. “Alec, it's okay. Breathe. Breathe, it's gonna be fine.”

Now he can hear Jace over the rush in his ears, can hear him as he spits against the Queen: “You know the Clave will have your head for this.”

But Alec knows, he _knows_ the Queen doesn't play games, he looks in Magnus' eyes for a second more before he turns towards the Queen, still on his knees: “I can't choose,” he says, desperation clear in his voice, “I _can't_.”

“Yes, you can,” the Queen says, sounding bored, “ _think._ ”

The vines are wrapped around their waists and Alec doesn't even know where to start, he can't even stop shaking, he can barely stand up.

“Kill me instead! Please, please, don't – ”

“That's not part of the rules,” the Queen says, rolling her eyes, “ _Choose_.”

“Fuck you,” Jace spits at the Queen, and then focuses on Alec, says: “Alec,” calls him, “ _Alec_. Brother.”, and Alec's eyes snap up to him, terrified. “Breathe.”

“I – Jace, I – ”, he looks at Magnus, his golden eyes blazing with useless magic, “I _can't_.”

“I'll tell you what you can't do,” Jace says, voice calm, “You can't lose us both. So I need you to breathe and _think_.”

“Fuck you,” Alec spits, but the words break in half, he tries to scratch at the vines again, the tips of his fingers numb, but Jace's hand is suddenly on his neck, anchoring him down, dragging him forward until their foreheads are touching, until Jace's eyes is the only thing Alec can see.

And Jace says: “Go to him.”, and Alec's world breaks in half.

“What?” he asks, almost voiceless.

“Go to him,” Jace repeats, trying to hide the way his voice is shaking, “I know you,” he says.

And Alec can see it. His life without Jace. Like a life without a limb, without his brother, without _Jace_ and their constant fights, and it's pure and simple _hurt_ and _pain_ , so deep that he can feel it in his bones.

And Magnus – Magnus is half his soul. _I don't think I can live without you_.

He can't – he can't see it.

A somehow rational part of him recognizes that he's been trained to think he might lose Jace any day of his life, but absolutely nothing has prepared him to lose Magnus.

He's crying and he hates it, he wants to kill the Queen himself but he knows it'd be pointless to try, he's holding on to Jace's shoulders like he can fight off the vines wrapped around his chest if he holds on tight enough, and Jace smiles. Not his douchebag smile, his real one. Even through the fury and the desperation in his eyes.

“Magnus,” Alec gasps, closing his eyes and pressing hard, “Magnus,” he repeats, louder, shaking as Jace's breathing turns erratic, and he can hear the vines unwrapping themselves from Magnus' body, he feels Magnus' hands on the vines on Jace's body, magic running through his fingers as he tries to rip them apart, burns some but not nearly enough, until the Queen says: “That's enough,” snapping her fingers, and – the vines unwrap themselves from Jace's body as well.

Alec gasps as Jace stumbles in him, kneels to accompany his fall as he tries to drag oxygen in his lungs.

“You are not nearly as fun as I thought,” the Queen says, pouting, “Get Simon and go. I don't like people crying in my court. It upsets us.”

*

Nobody talks, not even Simon.

Alec feels like there is _too much_ around him; too many sounds, too many colours, just – _too much_.

He curls up on his old bed in the Institute and he doesn't stop shaking for hours.

*

Jace doesn't knock – he never has. He doesn't turn on the lights, and Alec is grateful for that.

“It was an impossible choice to make, Alec.”

Alec doesn't turn to look at him: “But I made it anyway,” he whispers, and then adds: “Maybe I shouldn't be your parabatai.”

Jace punches him on the shoulder and Alec instinctively turns to glare at him. “Don't you dare, Alec,” Jace says, serious, “don't you dare let this _define_ you. It wasn't a _test_ , it was cruelty.”

Alec still feels like his heart has been pulled from his chest.

“I know – I know you probably feel like shit. We all do. But holing yourself up in here isn't going to help.”

Alec looks away. He _knows_. But – he doesn't know how to face the world quite yet. “If – a part of me would die with you.”

Jace presses his lips together for a second before shrugging: “Of course it would. Your funny part. I'm the one who's keeping it real, here.”

Alec groans, smiling despite himself.

*

He goes back to Magnus' and Magnus approaches him cautiously, stays a few steps away from him.

Alec wraps his arms around him and buries his nose in his neck, Magnus' skin wet with his tears.

Alec lets everything that happened wash over him, in waves, he shakes and feels like his body won't make it through.

He lets Magnus hold him together.

  


  



	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the same anon wrote on Tumblr: "hello, tis i, requester of prompt 42! yeah i agree i cant really see alec choosing in canon but i just... everyone always makes him choose jace in those fics and i was just Mad. magnus deserves to be put first, too. also i really love how u wrote it! i'd love a lil more of magnus's thoughts on what happened (i mean NO ONE has ever really put him first like that, how does he feel about alec loving him that much?) but obviously u shouldnt feel pressured to write that! anyway it was amazing 10/10"
> 
> As I was writing it I actually realized that it was very Jace/Alec-centered and I realized that probably wasn’t what you wanted :’) But I think it was kind of bound to happen because, you know, the more emotional moment was between them, since they thought Jace would die. I’m glad you liked it!   
> Anyways, here’s a little bit of Magnus’ mind :)

He stops shaking slowly, the minutes feel like centuries as shivers run down his spine and his whole being seems to collapse in Magnus' arms.  

He slips out of bed once he's sure Alec won't wake up, too exhausted to sleep as lightly as usual, and a part of him feels awful,  _what if he wakes up_ ,  _what if he needs me_ ,  _what if he's afraid_ , but panic is running through his veins and he can't –  _breathe_.

He gasps, his hands wrapped tightly around the edge of the sink, his lungs contracting painfully as he tries to drag the oxygen in, even if it doesn't feel like it's enough, he forces himself to keep breathing, scrubs his face with ice cold water until his skin feels numb, until he can breathe again.

And something deep and dark and true keeps murmuring  _you've touched him and you've ruined him_ , and he looks in his eyes in the mirror and he can't find himself enough to say  _that's not true_.

_You took his love and it was not yours to take_.

“Magnus.”

His eyes snap up to Alec's in the mirror; Alec looks worried and tired, his hair still flat on the side of the pillow, his clothes hopelessly wrinkled.

“Sorry,” Magnus says, his fingers hurting when he uncurls them from the edge of the sink, “I'll be there in a moment.”

But Alec takes a step forward, his eyes still half closed in a concentrated frown: “No, you're upset.”, and Magnus desperately wants him to go and to stay, he doesn't know if this is what love is supposed to be, so helplessly selfish, and if it is maybe he doesn't want it, if it has the power to drag Alec through hell, maybe he shouldn't hold it.

He turns and he doesn't know what he's going to say, whisper  _stay_ or scream  _go_ , and something crumbles in Alec's expression when he does, it takes his breath away as Alec says: “Oh,” with no voice at all.

And all that comes out from Magnus' lips is: “I'm sorry.”, thin and fragile,  _I'm sorry that love did this to you_ , and Alec takes another step forward and says: “Magnus, no,” like he knows exactly what's going through Magnus' mind, “No, no, no,” he wraps his arms around Magnus, his hand burying in his hair as Magnus' hands hold on to his shoulders, “It wasn't about us, it wasn't us.”, and Magnus knows this, he  _does_ , rationally, he knows love should never be pushed that far, and twisted into something ugly and senseless, a weapon for cruelty, but he's  _afraid_ , he's so terrified that that's the only thing his love can ever turn into because  _that'_ s what he is. The mockery of a human being, tainted and twisted. A monster.

And Alec doesn't say anything, he knows that Magnus wouldn't hear it anyway. He holds him.

*

The dawn is breaking outside, pouring gentle light over Magnus' face, over Alec's fingers as he plays with Magnus' blue strands of hair.

“I love you,” Alec says, voice rough from lack of sleep, and Magnus blinks slowly up at him.

It sounds different today, in this morning light. Not quite as doomed, like it's worth something. Like it's worth everything.

Like any other love, a bit unknown, a bit hopeless. Not quite as strained.

Inevitable.

“I love you too.”


End file.
